TDGP’s Official Poll Result: Who is going to win the NBA Finals?

We need more Polish Hammer and less Reddddddick.

According to TDGP readers, 71% believed that the Orlando Magic would win the NBA Finals, while only 5% thought that the LA Lakers would. From one perspective, this is a brilliant pick considering that most of the votes for the Magic were cast at the beginning of the Magic/Cavs series. In that regard, we had some real foresight. However, from another perspective, this pick didn’t take into consideration how badly the Lakers would beat the Magic down in Game 1 or how unluckily Courtney Lee’s layup would carom off the backboard in Game 2. Yet, down 2-0, the TDGP still keeps up the faith. May we, however, offer some suggestions to the Magic:


1) Quickly replace Stan van Gundy with Pat Riley. It seemed to work last time.

You want me to play the lineup that got us here? NO WAY!

2) Do not let Stan van Gundy choose lineups. Courtney Lee gets only 11:50, while JJ Redick gets 27:06? Marcin “Polish Hammer” Gortat gets only 15:29, while Jameer “am I really ready to play yet?” Nelson gets 16:40? Okay fine, Hedo “big Turk” Turkoglu and Rashard “Tutankhamun” Lewis were lighting it up, so it is understandable why Gortat wasn’t in more. But, really, unless Jameer can hit the broad side of the barn, leave him out.

3) Stick with the lineup that got you there. Not only does Jameer look woefully out of sync on the floor, giving him minutes has also shattered the confidence of Rafer “Skip to My Lou” Alston aka Rafer Madness. To top it off, someone who is completely unqualified thought it would be a good idea to give JJ “Adam Morrison” Reddick significant minutes to jack up all kinds of bullshit, off-the-mark 3s. Okay, he made one. Whatever.

Anyway, Magic. . . all we can say is that you are way off your game, scared stiff by the smoke and mirrors put forth by the Zen Master. Get with it and win 3 in O-town!

Erin Andrews went out on a date with Stan van, but abruptly left when she found out he wasn't packing Hedgehog heat.

TDGP Official Poll: If Bo Jackson wanted to lift a house, could he?

Bo lifting all types of houses

We posed the question: If Bo Jackson wanted to lift a house, could he? Answer: 57% of voters say, “YES!” A certain bunch of misguided voters said yes (13%), prolly (22%), no (9%). Clearly, Bo can do whatever he wants to do.

Related fun Bo information:

-Joe Posnanski’s article on Bo
-Michael Weinreb article on Bo
-Ron Flatter article on Bo
-N’Genuity Enterprises
-Bo Jackson’s Elite Sports
-Bo Jackson talking about Bo Jackson
-Bo Jackson and others talking about Bo
-Bo Jackson Nike Commercial

And proving that life and video games ain’t fair:

-Crazy Tecmo Super Bowl Run

TDGP Poll Result: Who has the best hair?

So, the best tennis player of all time (8) sure gave the winner a run for his money.

But, in the end, internet denizens came to their senses and notimated:

Brian Bosworth (15) as the best haired dude in sports. This guys’ nasta-mullet has been helpfully compared to:

and:

and:

Anyway, you get the point: athletes love the mullet, but no one did it quite like the master of the burn out Bosworth.

So, let’s raise our glasses to Bosworth and his mighty mane.

Poll Result: How Hot are Joe Buck and Tim McCarver?

How hot are sports announcers Joe Buck and Tim McCarver? According to TDGP’s poll they are so cold that they reach the unrealizable: zero kelvin. . . absolute zero. Congrats on being so bad that a bunch of grad school douche bags think they are better than yous guys.

Oh, and remember this?:

You go Deion!

The Dwight Gooden Poster’s Sixth Official Poll Result

Which golfer would make the best porn star? The answer is in:

The Dwight Gooden Poster’s Fifth Official Poll Result

What is your favorite lawn game I ask? Badminton, Badminton, Badminton they reply! Poor bocce ball gave it a shot. Jarts and horseshoes thought about it. Uppity croquet didn’t stand a chance (Note: I think croquet is fine as a pseudo-sport, but the readers hath spoken). Thus, today, September 10th, 2008 TDGP anoints badminton the official lawn sport of all good Americans. If you do not play badminton once a year you haven’t really sucked the marrow out of life. If you don’t pop the shuttlecock with a few close friends then you don’t really understand constitutional rights. Think about it. Really, think about it. It’s really a simple sport, made popular by the existence of lawns and bastardized by those super water (or whatever) commercials. It’s like tennis but different. Imagine Wimbledon but on your front lawn and without that annoying Federer fellow. It’s also like ping pong but not quite. Imagine knocking something back and forth between racquets but more gracefully. Badminton is like floating on air, like living the dream. I keep getting older and badminton stays the same age. That’s why the fellows at TDGP defer to the wisdom of the crowd on this one. All hail badminton, king of weekend warrior sports. All hail badminton, a great game to play drunk.

The Dwight Gooden Poster’s Fourth Official Poll Result

Apparently we have very savvy readers here at TDGP. At the end of the day, after a little flirtation with stupidity, you decided that it was statistically impossible to choose any other country than China in the “Which country will win the most medals at the 2008 Olympics?” poll. Poor Germany couldn’t even get a vote. Poor Italy got one vote. Russia and GB tried. Some people thought the novelty pick of Michael Phelps would be best, but seeing how China has already won 8 medals, this was a poor selection.

Either way, here at the TDGP we salute you China. After winning this poll your world power is no longer contestable. We salute your industrial might. Our mature service economy loves all your products. Actually, this just in, former world power Great Britain just called . . . they laughed at us, told us that second place ain’t so bad.

The Dwight Gooden Poster’s Third Official Poll Result

Who is your favorite pole vaulter? Apparently this contest was no contest at all. Sergey Bubka tallied 33 more votes than the second place finisher. This should, at first glance, be considered a classic beat down. Although I do leave open the notion that the International Sergey Bubka Fan Club pooled resources to help their man win.

All the same, we don’t salute technique, “the game,” heart, or grit on TDGP. All we give it up to are winners, no matter how you do it.

So, lift your cups to Bubka, the best pole vaulter there ever was.

The Dwight Gooden Poster’s Second Official Poll Result

Who is your favorite NBA big man?? To almost no one’s surprise Shaq, The Diesel, Shaq Fu, The Big Aristotle, The Big Daddy, Superman, The Big Agave, The Big Cactus, The Big Shaqtus, Wilt Chamberneezy, The Big Baryshnikov, The Real Deal, Dr. Shaq, M.D.E., Osama Bin Shaq (“for terrorizing Keith Van Horn under the boards”), The Big Banana (“I peel the life out of the Nets”), The Big Deporter (after eliminating Arvydas Sabonis and Rik Smits from the playoffs), Shaq Albert (“Hey, hey, hey, I’m Shaq Albert!”), The Real Deal, The Big Elvis took the lead early and often in this contest of wits, determination and size. His closest competitors (Manute Bol, Dikembe Mutombo, and Earl “Big” Boykins) simply did not have enough nicknames to keep pace.

What most likely put Shaq over the top was the oh-so-close-but-so-far defeat of Kobe Bryant by the Celtics in the NBA Championship game. Shhh, be very quiet, listen. . . can you hear it? That is Shaq’s boisterous laughter reverberating off the heavens. Shaq 4, Kobe 3.

So, lift your glasses to Shaq. The Big Declining Basketball Abilities, Shaq-Fu-get-about-another-championship. I still love the man. He will always have a place in my heart.

Sadly, we also have to give it up for Shawn Bradley (mormon, man, father, missionary) for pulling in no support. Zero votes. No love. And, to nail in the coffin, Wikipedia reports that, “he is know by the NBA and the world to be the player who has been dunked on the most.”

The Dwight Gooden Poster’s First Poll Result

In a late push (the Japanese tend to be late voters in online polls), Bobby Valentine took a commanding lead and punished Willie Randolph (2nd place), Davey Johnson (3rd place), and strictly-for-fun-never-was-but-wants-to-be-Mets-manager Gary Carter (4th place) to become The Dwight Gooden Poster certified best Mets manager ever.

It’s not surprising to see why Bobby won.

1) He is charismatic, as noted by decision to sneak back into the Mets’ dugout under the ruse of a fake moustache after being tossed by some hater Atl Braves luvin’ ump.

2) He is a movie star.

3) He was the heart and soul of a now soulless Mets team headed for another year of high payroll mediocrity.

So, here’s to Bobby V! Good luck in Japan my friend.