Van Gundy Sighting?

Stumbled across this wilst walking the streets of Hanover, New Hampshire:

Van Gundy peddles his wares amongst the relative anonymity of over-educated New Englanders.

Following the well documented debacle that was the NBA Finals, it would appear that TDGP’s favorite punching bag has taken to the road.  While I cannot speak personally to the magic show, I’m confident he will bring his famous “Vanishing Championship” trick to New Hampshire’s Upper Valley.

Legacy Confirmed

Levitating basketballs since 1945.

First, (begruding) congrats to the LA Lakers for winning the 2009 NBA Finals. After proving that he can win a NBA Championship with a bunch of mid-level talent, Phil Jackson finally proves he has the most NBA coaching rings of all-time.

Phil Jackson's game plan for Game 7 of the 2009 NBA Finals.

Known as the “Zen Master,” Phil deftly dealt with all the devilish aspects of being in the spotlight and preparing his team for “battle.” Often looking comatose on the sidelines, Phil never let the pressure get to him.

Stan Van Gundy's game plan for Games 1,2,4,5 of the 2009 NBA Finals.

The same cannot be said for his coaching counterpart, Stan Van “Master of Panic” Gundy, who did his best impression of chicken with its head cut off during the finals. In a play on his previous master of panic comment, I do believe Shaq’s tweet says it best:

THE_REAL_SHAQ: Congrats to you to phil jackson. When the general doesn’t panic the troops don’t panic. You are the greatest now.

While Phil gently shapes his legacy in a Japanese rock garden, Stan Van immediately jumps to the top of the “Coaches who should be fired” list.

Dr. Strangelineup or How I Learned to Hate Stan Van Gundy aka Who Let Stan Van Gundy Coach? aka Did A 3 Year Old Get To Pick Orlando’s Lineup?

Could I have done a better job? Answer: YES.

What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck? Fuckin’ fuck fuck. Disclaimer: I’m three sheets to the wind right now, but this has to be said: Who the fucking shit let Stan Van Gundy near a basketball team? Did Shaq call it or what? MASTER OF PANIC, MASTER OF PANIC, MASTER OF PLAYING THE MOST RIDICULOUS LINEUP CONFIGURATIONS EVER SEEN. The Magic had every right to win that game. In fact, they should be up 3-1. But, as the saying goes, “dems the breaks.” And by DEMS and BREAKS, they mean that, “The Magic have the shittiest coach alive.”

Scheduled to be dropped on Stan Van's face.

It is almost so mystifying that it shouldn’t make sense. Is Stan Van throwing these games? Did someone offer him Ron Jeremy’s penis if he played Jameer “bum shoulder” Nelson and JJ “holy shit I am in the NBA” Reddick far more than he should? Really? Really? Did anyone see Game 3 where the Magic played THE LINEUP THAT GOT THEM THERE and fucking won? Why did Stan Van inexplicably switch back to playing the shitbag-deluxe lineup this game?

Stan Van Gundy's father talks about why Stan should be a coach.

I mean, really, no shit that Rafer can’t get in a rhythm. The reason: Stan Van doesn’t understand that fundamental concept. Exemplar monologue:

Stan Van: Rafer, get in there!
Stan Van (:30sec later): Rafer, get out of there!
Stan Van (14min later): Rafer, get back in there!
Stan Van (5sec later): Rafer, get out, let’s go with Jameer for 20 straight minutes. The way I see it, if I give him some time now he will be ready to go around training camp next season.

Jimmy Fallon is on right now. The only thing funnier? Stan Van Gundy's lineups.

I mean, no offense, but this is serious shit. Your own assistant coach, Patrick Ewing, will tell you how improbable it is to win a championship. The margins are slim. . . you don’t get that many chances.

Finally, can anyone really have any ill will toward Pat Riley for taking the head coaching job from Stan Van in Miami? NO, FUCK NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, FUCK NO. I mean, fucking shit. I just don’t get it. Stan Van needs a massive dose of Lexapro or something because he is totally way too overanxious during this series. Or he is completely fucking mental. How do you justify the lineups he fields? I go out on a limb to say this, but I imagine that no coach in Finals history has made the amount of mind bending mistakes that Stan Van has.

Fire the fucker. Fire him now. Elevate Patrick Ewing to head coach right now! Or go back in time and force Billy Donovan to coach this team. He has to be better, right? All he has to do is get out of the way in a way Stan Van seems unwilling or incapable of doing. What a fucking missed opportunity.

Actually, no Ron, you can't save them. . . it's too far gone.