Cuz the Internet Made Me.

From the enjoyable: http://kanyegate.tumblr.com/

Federer’s Entourage.

Bush front man can't find time to pen new songs in between Federer tournaments.

Above and beyond that fact that Roger Federer is a branded-image prima donna who tries to tell refs when and who can speak (“Don’t tell me to be quiet, OK? When I want to talk, I talk.”), he also has an uncommonly shitty entourage. In addition to Gavin Rossdale, former front man of Bush, and his wife who sings that B-A-N-A-N-A-S song, Fed also managed to score Vogue editor Anna Wintour and I’m sure many other members of the glitterati to fill the soulless 15 seats in his guest box.

Sadly, Knox Harrington couldn't make it to Federer's guest box as he was prepping a piece for the Biennale de Paris.

I can just imagine them idly chatting after the match: “Oh well smoochkins, at least he looked FAB-U-LOUS tonight and that’s what’s really important.” Or “Daaaar-ling, I’d looooooove to stick around for the ceremony but there is this exclusive Marq Lorenz fashion show that just can’t be missed for the world!” Or “(insert something empty and vapid)!”

del Porto enjoying his own reflection. Oh no, wait, that's Federer's deal.

But, more importantly, word up to del Porto for capturing the U.S Open at 20 years of age. The guy has a howizter of a forehand and a deceptively difficult serve. Barring injry to his freakishly tall 6′6″ frame, he could be around for awhile. It is nice to see a vibrant and robust men’s tennis field (much different from the lackluster field that Federer usually mowed down over his career).

Boom goes del Porto's forehand.

Signs of the Apocalypse

I can hear the horsemen rumblin'

1- The many “false prophets” that will deceive many, The False Prophets are also mentioned during the Great Tribulation.

2- “Wars and rumors of wars.”

3- “Famines.”

4- “Earthquakes.”

5- “Persecutions and tortures to the elect”, The elect are the supposed true followers.

6- Lawlessness . . . “the love of many will grow cold.”

7- Ye shall see “pictures of Roger Federer’s babies.”

A Nice Assertion

This guy just kills me.

Roger Federer as Bond villian? It sure makes a lot of sense to me. Clearly he Gilloolied Nadal somehow so that he could reach magical 15. I wonder if he will even break a sweat this week against the weakest men’s field since the dawn of time at Wimbledon?

Also, it may be interesting to peruse the blog associated with the above link, a sports blog called With Leather. Named after an apocryphal anecdote about Chris Berman, it has a somewhat similar vibe to what we’ve achieved (with a fuck-ton more advertising and general messiness). It is described as:

With Leather is a blog about all the assholes and idiots in the world of sports, and the hot chicks who date them. People who get offended or take too much pride in their favorite team should probably just leave now, because I hate you already.

It almost sounds like it’s Seamus Mcgee’s side blog.

TDGP poll result: Is the Federer-Nadal rivalry better than Agassi-Sampras?

Playing impossibly close tennis

Apparently people think that the Federer-Nadal rivalry is better than the Agassi-Sampras rivalry. I think this one is hard to judge. From one perspective, you could say that the Fed-Nadal rivalry is better because they consistently play each other more. Or you could just as equally say that the reason they play each other so much is because they are the only two good players out there right now and maybe they woudn’t be as good if they played in a decent field.

Erin Andrews researching Agassi-Sampras rivalry

In addition, both rivalries clearly tilt toward one player. Nadal and Sampras both hold/held clear advantages.

All Matches: Nadal 13-6
Hard courts: Even 3-3
Clay courts: Nadal 9-1
Grass courts: Federer 2-1
Grand Slam Finals: Nadal 5-2
All Finals: Nadal 11-4

All Matches: Sampras 20-14
Hard courts: Sampras 11-9
Clay courts: Agassi 3-2
Grass courts: Sampras 2-0
Grand Slam Finals: Sampras 4-1
All Finals: Samplas 9-7

The one thing hampering the Agassi-Sampras rivalry (other than the fact that it is in the past and people have a mega-boner for the present intensity of watching Nadal use his Nadal arm to make Federer cry) is that they had a lot more good players in the field (All won majors: Goran Ivanišević, Ivan Lendel, Stefan Edberg, Jim Courier, Michael Chang, Patrick Rafter, Boris Becker). Over a long career they only played in 5 Gram Slam finals together. Nadal, who is like 12 or something, has already played Federer in 7 finals.

Agassi & Sampras disgusted at the poll result

I dunno, I guess in terms of pure one-to-one match-ups that the Nadal-Federer is better. And it is fun to watch. Watching Federer cry as he loses his step replenishes my depleted evil energy resources.

Year of the Scots?

After beating Federer and Nadal on back-to-back days, is this the year of Andy Murray?

I recently made an ill-conceived bet where I stated that Djokovic and Nadal and one other non-Federer entity would win all the majors this year. Maybe I should rate this Murray fella higher.

END OF A FED-ERA-ER

Good luck at Wimbledon Federer!

Befuddled Federer Swears Vendettas against Henry Clay, Andrew Dice Clay, Michael Clayton, Liz Claiborne, Staffers of the Movie _Ghost_

Roger Federer says he’s coming after Henry Clay, Andrew Dice Clay, Michael Clayton, Liz Claiborne and 13 staffers from the movie Ghost. With a group of notary publics on-hand at his home in Dubai, Federer followed the rigid guidelines of Saudi law and officially swore out 17 separate vendettas. The respondents of the vendettas seem to have nothing ostensibly in common with each other, unless one considers the timing of Federer’s move. Just this past Sunday, Federer lost a third-straight French Open final to rival Rafael Nadal, and in embarrassing fashion. Federer insists that the match has had nothing to do with his decision to avail himself of his legal Saudi rights, but many turn a squinted eye at the list of Federer’s foes.

Federer sought to justify his list of vendettas Monday at a press conference. “Each one of these people,” began Federer, “is a blight on the body of the world. Andrew Dice Clay is a poor comedian who plays on the worst in us to get cheap laughs. And that reality show? I mean come on- that’s reason enough for me to go after this whole family. Liz Claiborne? Anyone ever heard of the beauty myth? She perpetuates a stereotypical image of what womanhood should be and couches it all in a mantle of helping women achieve their ‘greater’ selves. Have you seen my girlfriend? No beauty myth there. And also, she cannot get her face through one of the neckholes of a Liz Claiborne shirt. No women should suffer such shame.”

Asked about which Michael Clayton he was naming, Federer said simply, “Hate the Bucs.” Of Ghost, Federer said, “That movie is one of the many markers of American self-indulgence that goes too far. Something bad happens to a white couple, so a black women is forced to use her ghetto smarts to serve justice? Talk about your colonial metaphors. I considered laying off this one because of Roadhouse’s nut cancer, but those staffers have to pay.”

The most bizarre person on Federer’s list is Henry Clay, 19th century Kentucky Representative and Senator. Asked what he could possibly have against the public servant and what he planned to do to a man who’s been dead for well over a century, Federer had this to say: “First, let’s start with his nickname- ‘The Great Compromiser’ – sounds like a big ole wuss to me. Second, the Whig party? Really, Hank? General Winfield Scott as Presidential candidate in 1852? How’d that work out? Don’t see him on any quarters, am I right? But seriously, though, wherever Clay is, he knows what he did and that he has a whole buttload of come-uppance in store. Just gonna have to go after his estate- that is, after I pee on his grave.”

Federer was able to effectively dodge all of the obvious questions about Nadal and Roland Garros until he finally responded, “I respect Rafa, and we have a great off-court relationship. As I have said, these vendettas are just business of mine that I have neglected and that needed to be sworn. That said, Nadal and his incessant butt-picking can win all the French Opens he likes. He best to come strong on grass, though, or his ass will be a part of the afore-mentioned surface upon which I play significantly better. Yes.”