Howard Bryant Is Parodying the PED Moral Panic

Or at least he’d better be. This column is unbelievable. Allow me to quote at length:

Think for a moment about faith. Not about baseball or the media, about the union or management, the home and away teams, all the stuff that seems so important but in truth really amounts to nothing. Such surface concerns melt away with the years, like snowdrifts in April.

You have to go deeper than that to understand the meaning of the New York Times report that David Ortiz is one of the players who tested positive in the now-infamous 2003 performance-enhancing drug testing.

You have to distill it further down, way down to the bones, to the basics, to the people you’ve met in this world and all the individual ingredients that comprise the concrete, the foundation — the conviction in the eyes, the passion of the words, the firmness of the handshakes, all the devices designed to make you vulnerable, to make you believe.

Dig down there, to where it counts. And when you get there, don’t think about batting average or the latest news about who tested positive for what, but about the mentality of the professional athletes who spend so much time and energy constructing an elaborate confidence game.

Ahem.

Bryant is mad, I shit you not, because Ortiz called him on May 12, told him in many ways that he didn’t use PEDs, and has now been revealed as a member of the infamous 2003 list of users. Ground Possum has already discussed this (my position is clarified somewhat in comments) in a sane, rational way. Bryant takes the opposite tack: David Ortiz lied to me, so baseball is a con game and my faith in the goodness of humanity is gone. He goes on to say that Ortiz has acted like others in the wake of the revelation: “indignant until exposed, annoyed and silent thereafter.”

Here’s part of Papi’s public statement, which Bryant quotes:

I want to let you know how I am approaching this situation. One, I have already contacted the Players Association to confirm if this report is true. I have just been told that the report is true. Based on the way I have lived my life, I am surprised to learn I tested positive.

Two, I will find out what I tested positive for. And, three, based on whatever I learn, I will share this information with my club and the public. You know me — I will not hide and I will not make excuses.

Annoyed? I dunno. Silent? Doesn’t sound like it, but we’ll see. What I don’t get is why readers should give a shit whether David Ortiz lied to Howard Bryant. Is that really something I need to know? Why do I care? This narcissistic approach to sports fandom and commentary seems precisely the reason such senseless cliches as “the good of the game” were invented in the first place. Rather than saying, “I overidolize athletes and place excessive stock in their personal behavior, so I’m going to build up an outsized indignance when they transgress my trust, which is based on nothing more than the occasional answer they give me in press conferences or phone calls obviously made for PR purposes,” writers and commentators say, “that guy betrayed the trust of baseball.” Most fans don’t much care about PEDs; sportswriters, most of whom got into the racket because they super super duper love sports, do care, and they get really frustrated when the rest of us don’t. Maybe I’m cynical; maybe I’m cold-hearted. But I honestly don’t comprehend the idea of placing so much of oneself and one’s faith (hey, he said it) in guys you barely know who play sports for money.

Side note 1: check out Bill James’s splendid piece on PEDs and the hall of fame. Take particular note of the stuff on the last page about the pre-2002 “rule” against PED use.

Side note 2: I like what Bronson Arroyo has to say here.

Steroid Revelations

Today, another “leak” has led to the report that both Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz were on the infamous 2003 list of MLB steroid users.  First, I am shocked and appalled!  Say it ain’t so!  Also, who has this “confidential list,” and do they just leave it sitting on their desk every two months or so so that some reporter can wander by and snipe a few names?  MLB looks like a bumbling idiot with no credibility each time these names emerge and the players reluctantly admit to the use.

But, as to how we should (re)interpret baseball of the past, I am both with and not with Seamus; on the one hand, he says he doesn’ t really care and that usage was so rampant as to level the playing field.  I agree with that take.  It now seems that all of the best 103 players from 2003 were on the juice.  Whatever.   However, Seamus’ second contention — that he is not sure how much that steroids affects play — is rather ridiculous.  Sure, one can point to anomalous seasons for the likes of Maris, but one cannot deny the increase in production from the mid 1990s to the mid 2000s or the collective mass of power hitters in those times as well.  McGwire and Bonds each became two players in one, and to think that all that muscle mass does not help muscle twitch (reaction time) and push balls those extra 15 feet from warning track to HR is myopic to say the least.  Also, recovery time cannot be ignored.  Pettitte admitted that the HGH use was exclusively for that.

But, let’s look at some statistical information to try to find some other evidence.  First, David Ortiz’s first seasons with Minnesota were weak.  He was released by the team in 2002.  I’m not exactly sure why, considering he closed that season pretty well, but OK, he was cut.  When he got to Boston in 2003, no one knew he was anything, and according to ESPN today, he had 4 HRs as of July 1.  After that, he had 27 the rest of the year, and his numbers sky-rocketed thereafter.  Notice that his numbers rise all the way until stringent testing in 2006 and how they are falling since.

Here's the Mini-Ortiz who lit up the Minnesota skies.

But, let’s talk about the past… McGwire is the poster-boys for roids, and I think we need to realize that he started using WAY before 2003.  As Canseco has said, he and McGwire started on the juice, and it is not crazy to think that others would find their way to roids.  McGwire hit more HRs as a rookie than anyone ever (49) and continued to use for a few seasons.  However, I think he got off the juice for a spell.  I mean, the stuff he was using in the late 1980s was Lyze Alzado type stuff.  You don’t want to get too much of that in you.  Look at what happened to Canseco.   Also, look at his 1991 season– .201 with 22 HRs and 75 RBIs?  He was trying to be good and showed how good a player he really was.  1993 and 1994 were the years his body broke down without the bolstering of the roids, and 1995 was the year he found the better, designer roids and ANDRO, etc, that helped define the era.  He gained like 40 lbs and hit 39, 52, 58, 70, and 65 HRs thereafter.  Sure, steroids don’t help performance.

McGwire's balls were still visible to the naked eye when this photo was taken.

I could go on and look at A-Rods numbers and Bonds’ but the idea that roids did not help is stupid.  All that said, I am not one of the guys who thinks asterisks are in order or anything, but I’m just saying– the numbers were juiced, and those who are concerned about some “integrity” of the game have a point.  I just think such concerns are kind of stupid.

The Daly Show

"I haven't had a drink in a while," Daly said.

If you have cable, you need to befriend me. The Golf Channel is doing another reality show about the life and times of John Daly. Pretty excited, am I.

Boom-Shaq-alaka

Why did I miss this??

R.I.P. Jim

R.I.P. Jim. His defense could crush yours.

NFL Preseason Rankings

Best Dance Ever

Don Banks is an idiot. Patriots, Steelers at 1 and 2 in the CNN/SI preseason rankings? Really? Any educated man knows it goes a lil’ something like this:

1) Cincinnati Bengals
2) Oakland Raiders
3) Philadelphia Eagles
4) Pittsburgh Steelers
5) Houston Texans
.
.
.
31) Cleveland Browns
32) New England Patriots

Go Bengals and Raiders!!

“I’m the greatest of all time. Thank you.”

He wants that base. He needs that base.

Today, forevermore, shall be known as Rickey Henderson Day. For this is the day that he will be inducted into the MLB Hall of Fame. This is only natural since (I get chills just watching this, good chills):

A career full of stolen bases and apocryphal stories (Rickey once asked a teammate how long it would take him to drive to the Dominican Republic.), Rickey has never been anything short of brilliant. Long before Manny was just being Manny, Rickey was Rickey:

“Listen, people are always saying, ‘Rickey says Rickey.’ But it’s been blown way out of proportion. People might catch me, when they know I’m ticked off, saying, ‘Rickey, what the heck are you doing, Rickey?’ They say, ‘Darn, Rickey, what are you saying Rickey for? Why don’t you just say, ‘I?’ But I never did. I always said, ‘Rickey,’ and it became something for people to joke about.”

Furthermore, I’m not sure his prowess on the base pads (1406 SB) will ever be matched. He broke Lou Brock’s record (938) in 1991 and played until 2003. He stole 66 motherfuckin’ bases in 1998 at the spry age of 39. And then at 40 and 41 he stole 37 and 36 respectively. Simply amazing. The man is truly beyond comparison (a career .401 OBP!!!). Still charming and chugging along, at 50, Rickey still wants to play. And I bet he could. Seriously, I actually believe that.

To commemorate this day, here are are fun facts about Rickey:

-A reporter asked Henderson if Ken Caminiti’s estimate that 50 percent of Major League players were taking steroids was accurate. His response was, “Well, Rickey’s not one of them, so that’s 49 percent right there.”

-The Mets were staying in a hotel less than a mile from Cinergy Field in Cincinnati. While some players walked, most took the team bus. A few minutes after they arrived – again it was less than a mile – the last players off the bus noticed a stretched limo that had just pulled up. Of course, Rickey emerged from the back seat.

-A reporter once asked Rickey if he talked to himself, “Do I talk to myself? No, I just remind myself of what I’m trying to do. You know, I never answer myself so how can I be talking to myself?”

-During a contract holdout with Oakland in the early 1990s, Henderson said, “If they want to pay me like Mike Gallego, I’ll play like Gallego.”

-This one happened in Seattle. Rickey struck out and as the next batter was walking past him, he heard Henderson say, “Don’t worry, Rickey, you’re still the best.”

-To this day and dating back 25 years, before every game he plays, Henderson stands completely naked in front of a full length locker room mirror and says, “Ricky’s the best,” for several minutes.

Rick Reilly: Shame of a Nation

A few nights ago, some friends and I were having a barroom (well, bardeck) debate: what is the largest animal you could strangle to death? I could probably go bigger, but I couldn’t go more satisfying than Rick Reilly. In the past week, he’s provided two ridiculously stupid ESPN.com pieces for your reading agony. In the first, Reilly gives us his list of the top ten sports events you “must” see live. Never mind that you’d have to be a millionaire or a professional sportswriter to actually do this, you apparently still must. Because he imagines that his audience is a bunch of frustrated middle-aged men who want to be more involved in rich-white-guy sports (okay, he’s probably accurate there), this list includes dog sledding, yachting (apparently the America’s Cup is still a thing that happens), two golf events, cycling, tennis, and horse racing. Now, some of this shit can’t possibly work live: how do you “watch” the Iditarod? Or the America’s Cup? These are anti-spectator sports, and yet we’re supposed to go to them (hell, Reilly’s only cited reason for watching a goddamn-who-gives-a-fuck yacht race is to get drunk, which I can do at home). And considering the angle of the next column, why exactly is he celebrating the “Fans pulling the hair of Tar Heels players as they inbound the ball” at Cameron Indoor? And why does he say that there’s “nothing in America within a par-5″ of Wimbledon, but then have the Kentucky Derby and the Masters listed above it?

I hear the seats from Kaltag are primo.

What really gets me about this list is number 10: the home run derby. Okay, I’ve never seen it live. Maybe the balls light up or fireworks go off or the Beatles reunite or something if you actually see it live. But it’s fucking boring on TV. He claims that it is “Better than the All-Star Game because it’s never ended in a tie.” Hmm, then I guess the Magic: The Gathering World Championships are also better than the All-Star Game. He also claims that guys swing at every pitch, which is patently untrue unless the live experience involves some kind of timeshift past the 800 pitches Ryan Howard takes between swings. Further, “every third ball is a souvenir.” Now, I know I’m getting nitpicky here, but this means that guys would hit four home runs per turn. Which , if it were true, would suck and be boring. Oh yeah, and even though guys hit more than that, the event still sucks and is boring.

But our boy Reilly isn’t done. Because he can’t go five seconds without talking about golf, his latest piece is on why Tiger Woods is a dick because he swears and hits his club on the ground sometimes. This piece gives us such pearls as: the 1997 Masters is the most important golf tournament ever; Tiger’s occasional tantrums are disrespectful to Jack Nicklaus; golf is a “gentlemen’s game,” and “less is expected” in the NBA, baseball, and football; moral panicking about Tiger being a bad role model for kids. I don’t really know what to say about the first two (okay, I’ll say that my own pick for Most Important Golf Tournament Ever is David Frost’s stunning victory at the ‘93 Hardee’s Golf Classic), but this shit about golf being somehow morally superior to other sports has to stop. I don’t know who Reilly plays golf with or where, but my own extensive experience on the links is characterized primarily by beer, old people yelling at me, shirtless rednecks, and profanity. Imagine if I played with Tiger Woods! I’d be raping my caddy by the fifth hole! Trust me, you’d be surprised how many guys serving life sentences say they got their starts in crime by yelling “fuck” when they sliced a drive. Rick Reilly is fine with and actively celebrates fans fucking with dudes involved in a basketball game, but a golfer expresses irritation with his play and he deserves a column-length scolding.

Watch out, kids, that iron's directed at you.

These columns make me wish Tiger would direct his fury away from his driver and toward Rick Reilly’s throat.

“Who Cares?”: Least Revered Major Sports Championships

As I watched Sue Bird this morning trying to sell the WNBA All-Star game on Mike and Mike,  I thought of how few people have any real interest in that game.  Indeed, Nostrapossumus has already predicted the imminent demise of the WNBA, because, really, no one cares about that sport.  As an off-shoot of these thoughts, I got to thinking about the major sports championships that get the least media and fan attention in these United States.  Here is the list I complied in my head:

1) WNBA Finals.  Let’s start with the afore-mentioned WNBA…  can anyone name the two teams in last year’s 3-game final without looking it up?  The year before?  I can tell you the first three rings went to the Houston Comets, and I even watched a number of those games those first years, because that team was pretty awesome.  It had perhaps the greatest female player ever, Cynthia Cooper, who had toiled in Italy most of her career, and who averaged almost 30 per; it had Tina Thompson, inside threat and relative beast; and it had Texas Tech and NCAA all-time scoring great Sheryl Swoopes.  This team was stacked and dominant, and actually fun to watch.  As a sign of the league’s power, however, this team no longer exists.  And no one watches the WNBA finals.  Sorry, ladies.

Here, Cynthia Cooper kisses her magical right bicep before she scores easily on a hapless New York defender.

2) The Australian Open.  While the last few years, with the Roger/Rafa rivalry and the resurgence of Serena, has brought some attention to the tennis world’s first calendar major of the year, there is no doubt that the Aussie Open gets the relative shaft as far as tennis majors go.  Maybe it’s because it is played in our winter and no one expects to be watching tennis.  Or maybe, it’s because it has no real identity.  It has been on clay, on a slow hardcourt, on a slightly faster hardcourt… it cannot seem to decide what it wants to be.  Sure, it counts as a major, but no one really gets into the tennis season until Roland Garros, and the Australian Open does not get a 10 share in the ratings or anything, IF it is aired at all.

Pictured: All-time Aussie Open great Adrian Quist on his way to one of 10 Men's Doubles titles.

3)  NHL Finals. While we have discussed this one on TDGP before, it bears repeating that the NHL gets little love in this country.  This past finals was perhaps the best match-up (and excitement) we are likely to see for decades, and still, the ratings for the finals were pretty average.  Syd and Alex did their best, but outside the Northeast, no one really watches.

4) MLS Cup.  When I said no one watches the NHL, that was exaggeration.  When I say no one watches the MLS, it is sad truth.  The US cannot support the kind of soccer leagues that Europe can.  We need to get used to this fact.  Yesterday, I watched the ugly step-child of sports coverage, Fox Sports, deliver their list of the “Top 50 Best Damn Upsets in Sports History,” and they confirmed their ridiculous lack of any perspective or credibility by including no fewer than 4 MLS games in the first 25 upsets.  I did not watch the last 25, but that 4 even made the countdown is absurd.  I echo this post’s title… Who Cares?!  Even if an 0-20-5 team beat a 25-0-0 team, the all-time upset category must be saved for sports that people saw or at least consider sports.  The MLS is a second-tier, B-movie league and no one can name 5 league teams, much less tell you when the MLS cup is played.

MLS star? Alecko Eskandarian.

This list is certainly not complete.  One could add all women’s golf majors (now that the appeal of Annika-cum-Lady-Tiger is gone), the Women’s NCAA basketball tourney (though this one is arguable for a somewhat larger segment of America) and the world of volleyball as a whole (though whether it is a major sport is unclear).  Anyways, some champions are going to live in relative anonymity… oh well.  They still gets paid.

Coaching in the NBA

Mark's post-NBA career as an . . . announcer.

Apparently, the Timberwolves are expected to begin interviewing finalists for their vacant head coach position. Here they are:

-ABC-TV analyst and former NBA point guard Mark Jackson
-Houston Rockets assistant Elston Turner
-Los Angeles Lakers assistant Kurt Rambis
-Portland Trail Blazers assistant Monty Williams

One of these is not like the other, considering that Mark Jackson has no coaching experience on any level. Best part, he is apparently the front runner for the job. After David Kahn, T’Wolves GM, sees some of Jackson’s on-court coaching techniques, diagrammed plays, and motivational strategies, he may very well be the next coach of an NBA team. And this is not the first job he has been offered, already missing out on the Knicks job when D’Antoni was hired.

This isn’t especially shocking, since last year Vinny Del Negro took over the Chicago Bulls with all zero years of coaching experience under his belt. Nor did Larry Bird or Doc Rivers have any previous experience when they both went on to win Coach of the Year after their first year. On the flipside, Isiah Thomas, also with no former experience, came in and stank it up big time.

I don’t want to suggest that Jackson cannot be a good coach or that Del Negro (41-41 last year) won’t develop a coaching mastery beyond comparison. I do, however, want to acknowledge that I have no idea what it takes to be a coach in the NBA. Is it a deep knowledge of the game, the Xs and Os, and making in-game and off-day adjustments? Or is it about managing egos, players’ respect, and team chemistry? Teacher or manager? Former NBA player or a Van Gundy? Part of the Old Boys Network or an Outsider?

Is the NBA the only major sport where someone with no coaching experience can take over a team? NFL? Seems unlikely. MLB? Maybe, cannot think of anyone.

Could I be an NBA coach?